Friday, September 3, 2010

Guilty as charged

As a mother I often times find myself feeling guilty.  Mother's guilt!  Oy vey!  Why isn't there an expression for father's guilt?  Hmmm let's not answer that.  We'll leave that to another post.  A LONG one!

Since my accident I have yet to get a good night's sleep.  The pain gets really bad at night.  I guess because I'm not moving at all and my joints get REALLY stiff.  So yes I am tired ALL the time.  Anywho, I slept in this morning until almost 9:00 am. I did get up with Nicholas but only for 2 minutes to say goodbye and wish him well for a good day at school. That was the first time I felt guilty for the day. He had clean and pressed clothes that I laid out the night before (+1 point).  His lunch was already packed (+ 1 point) but I felt guilty that I was sleeping and his breakfast was being prepared by his father.  They probably enjoy spending the time together anyway.  When I finally did wake up and peeked at the clock and it said 8:45 I felt guilty for the second time.  8:45 is the new 7:30 didn't you know?  (-2 points)

Instantly the cloud of working out was looming over my head.  It's not that I didn't want to go but as I looked around the house I knew I needed to unpack boxes.  Do I go workout and help "lube" my shoulder or do I stay home and unpack boxes?  I opted for the former rather than the latter and immediately felt guilty for shirking my duties. (-2 points)  I did get in a "good" interval workout on the treadmill.  I'm SLOWLY getting back my "speed" and hopefully building back up my endurance.  I did 2.5 miles in 30 minutes (with walk breaks).  No I'm not breaking any land speed records but I've always been the tortoise not the hare.  (+2 points)

Tortoise and the Hare (my good friend Tracey Smith)

I popped into Bed Bath and Beyond after the gym to get a garbage can.  You know the fancy schmancy stainless steel type that don't show fingerprints and apparently are made of gold.  My total with tax: $151.00!!!!!  Really?  Really?  I did however, have a $125 gift card thanks to some really great friends back in the 'burgh.  So really it didn't cost me too much.  I should, however, have bought sheets and pillows which we desperately need but I REALLY wanted that trash can.  GUILT GUILT GUILT (-2 points)  Did you know that if you take back your receipt and a coupon at ANY time to Bed Bath and Beyond they will honor your coupon?  I didn't know that either.  I'll be going back with my 20% off coupon (that I got for signing up for email and direct mail promotions) and I'll be getting $28 back!  (+1 point)

Lunch time arrived and I made your typical kid lunch.  PB&J, goldfish crackers and grapes.  I even cut the PB&J into heart shapes.  (+1 points) 

I'm slowly trying to integrate more "healthy choices" into Jack's diet.  You see he is strictly a Mac N Cheese, Chicken Nuggets, PB&J kind of kid.  I put three grapes on his plate.  Yes that is right THREE.  I wasn't asking the child to eat brussel sprouts for goodness sake.  But who couldn't feel guilty looking at this face. 

Next stop on the guilty train... Physical Therapy.  I guess I didn't feel guilty as much as shameful.  You see there wasn't enough time between the gym and my PT appointment to take a shower.  Sorry to the sadist my physical therapist for my smelly pits!  (-2 points) Hey, I did put on deodorant. (+1 points).  We worked really hard today and I improved my external rotation from 5 degrees to 20 degrees.  SHUT UP!  (+2 points) and my front lateral raise from 90 degrees to 110 degrees.  (+1 points)

After picking up Nicholas from his playdate we headed to the airport to return the rental car.  George said we were going to take the long way around but it would help us to avoid traffic on the major thoroughfare through town and thus wind up being shorter.  You see where this is going right?  One wrong turn and over an hour later I was hungry, irritable and then cut off in traffic.  I exclaimed, "Thanks a lot @$$hole."  Yes OUT LOUD in front of all three kids.  Jack immediately says, "Why is that guy an apple mommy?"  (-2 points)

At the end of the day was all the guilt worth it? I mean my kids are happy and healthy and by my calculations everything evens out in the end so maybe I'm not such an apple afterall.


Angela said...

Guilt is just wasted energy. Having been the victim of two guilt trips courtesy of my Mom this week, I know what I am talking about!! Yay on the PT!!!!!

Susan Tirch said...

I know Ang... I'm a work in progress! Thanks for your support.

Cara said...

Mom guilt stinks! I don't know how many times a day I think my kids would be better off with someone who was being paid to be patient. And them something happens that they need a kiss or want to share something funny with me and I can't imagine someone else being there for that rather than me. Besides, only great moms care enough to feel guilt, right?

Unknown said...

You're no different than the rest of us. I felt guilty today leaving Chris with the girls so I could go to the gym (which was miserable by the way - no one to talk to and I have no stamina for any of the cardio). Last night my girls ate yogurt and dry cereal for dinner at 7:15 pm...good job with the shoulder, though. Miss ya!

Sue said...

I even feel guilty when I check facebook so you are not alone. I really can't wait for the blog on dad guilt or the absence of such. Have a good Texas weekend(:

Angi Horsley said...

omg I love this!! I am the queen of guilt! I am excited to read this!! Love u!

Anonymous said...

There is also I thing I like to call discipline by guilt! Whenever I did something I shouldn't have, my mom would cry!!!!! I never wanted to make her cry so I either always did the right thing...OR never let her find out what I did wrong!!

Angi Horsley said...

omg I love this!! I am the queen of guilt! I am excited to read this!! Love u!

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