Ok I’ll get it off my chest. There were swimsuits, there were almost tears, and there was a bad mood that ensued for the rest of the day. I’m only human so I have days where trying on swimsuits sends me into a self loathing frenzy of “depression”.
This is the one that finally sent me over the edge (obvi: this is not me)
I work out five days a week (most weeks) and yet I still don’t see what I like in the mirror. My husband suggests that I’m looking for perfection but the flaws I see are real. So I’ve sat around most of the day contemplating why it matters.
My children see me as a mom who wipes their tears, feeds them food and shows them constant love and support. They know I exercise to make myself healthy and don’t even know the concept of exercising to make one’s self skinny. So no, my kids don’t care what I look like in my swimsuit. They just see mom.
I guess I worry that I’ll be judged— that people will think I should look a certain way because I work out a certain number of days a week or run long miles on the weekend. I myself wonder why I look the way I do when I work so hard. It forces to me to look at an unpleasant reality and that is the FOOD.
Honestly, I don’t even want to go there. I want to enjoy what I eat and not worry about “consequences”. I don’t want to go to the place of craving the foods I “can’t have” because I’m restricting certain foods from my diet. It just doesn’t work for me.
So I have two choices: continue to live the life I am and accept what I see or restrict my way to 10 pounds lighter and most likely STILL not like what I see. Neither one will make me happy, neither one will necessarily make me any healthier and neither one is going to make me love me in a swimsuit.
After much contemplation I realize I wasted a valuable day sulking over something that just doesn’t matter. I think I’ll go focus on something that does.