Friday, August 12, 2011

Dear Nicholas

Dear Nicholas:

On your birthday I find myself looking back and wondering where have the eight years gone?  I’ve tried to cherish every moment I’ve spent with you, yet so many memories seem to be slipping away.  As I think back I can still remember your baby smell— the sweet smell that only a baby can have.  You were so tiny when you were born premature so it’s hard to imagine that you’ve grown up to be such a strong, active, young man boy.

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You tend to make me smile because of your sweet innocence.  You act younger than your eight years, but not in a bad way.  You are mature and respectful, yet you have this innocence about you that I wish would last much longer than it probably will.  I struggle with finding the balance of protecting you and letting you spread your wings and fly.  Even though you’re my oldest, you’re still my baby and I don’t want to let you go too easily. 

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Your attention to detail is admirable.  You remember the slightest details about things that I don’t even recall until you mention them.  I sometimes tease you that you’re “Nosey Rosey” because you want to know EXACTLY what’s going on and who said what to whom.  Really you’re not nosey, but you do want to be “in the know”.  You especially want to know every detail about something you find interesting. 

You remind me so much of myself in that you are very impatient.  You want what you want and you want it now.  Like me, you’ll also “obsess” over an item until it’s in your hot little hands.  The good thing about this is you’ll work hard to get what you want and you always achieve your goals. 

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You’re a lot like your daddy too.  You are so shy and do NOT enjoy being put in the spotlight.  You’d rather fade into the background and not be noticed than draw attention to yourself.  You’re slow and methodical and have a “way” that you do things and you don’t like to deviate. 

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As a typical first born child, you aim to please and generally succeed at everything you do.  School work comes easily to you and you are an excellent student, but you could care less.  God help us if you really tried! 

Your passion is sports.  There is no sport you don’t like, watch or attempt to play and darn if you aren’t good at all of them too.  Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything you can’t do.  I know you don’t think so and I hope that never changes. 

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When I had you, I thought I’d teach you so much about life, but the truth is you have taught me much more.  Most importantly, you taught me how to be a mother.  A mother’s love is innate and instantaneous, but loving your child and being a good mother are two very different things.  Having two years with just you taught me how to be a good mom.  I hope you didn’t mind being my guinea pig. 

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When I look at you, I see a smart, confident, well-adjusted, polite, HAPPY person.  When I think of you, the word that always come to mind is pride.  You make me proud to be your mother.  I can’t think of a greater emotion than the love a mother has for her child—the love I have for you. 

My wish for you this next year is to continue to grow with love and compassion from your family.  There is nothing more I want in this life than to look into your eyes 10, 20, 40 years from now and see the sweet innocence I see today.  Even after life has taught you many lesson I hope that your spirit and kind soul will never be broken. 

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I love you with every breath,

Mommy

8 comments:

Tyly @ One Mile at a Time said...

Wow, I loved this!!! Stuff like this makes me excited to someday be a mommy. Your 8 year old is sooo handsome!

adriennesills said...

AWWWWW He is so cute. Tear! My oldest is 3.5 and I don't want him to grow up now! ;)

Melissa said...

Luv this :)

Ronald Obringer said...

very well written Susan...Nicholas is definitely a positive reflection of both his parents!!

G. said...

Oh so very well said - so very very well said. Heartfelt and real. xoxo G.

amy_niklaus said...

Great...as if I wasn't already an emotional basketcase this morning. This sent me over the edge!

D. said...

Cherish this time, because unfortunately these moments pass so quickly :(

Kelly said...

How sweet. What a great way to remember a birthday

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