So many times in my life, I'm serious like so many, I find myself focused on the little things that just don't matter. I beat myself up and listen to the little voice inside my head that says I'm not good enough. It's called insecurity and it runs rampant in my little brain A LOT.
I tend to focus on all the things in my life I perceive as flaws (I seriously spend countless minutes, hours even, focused on cellulite), instead of focusing on all the great qualities I have. In fact, I find it hard to really believe I possess qualities that really are "great".
If someone is skinnier than I am, I imagine they think I'm not good enough. Likewise if someone runs faster than I do, I imagine them snickering behind my back. I believe this has to be true. I'm sure there are people out there that find joy in the flaws and ineptness of other people. I, however, am not one of them and I certainly hope I don't surround myself with those types of people.
It doesn't make me feel better to know I run faster than someone else or I'm skinnier than someone else, so why should I think that everyone is feeling that way about me? The truth is, it's just my own dumb insecurities. And let's say it is true. Let's just say for argument's sake that someone out there feels better about themselves because they're faster than Susan Tirch, well then that my friends has to be THEIR problem.
I can no longer let my negative self talk get me down. I can't imagine that other people view my flaws and pick them apart the way that I do. I know I have flaws, I know I'm not good at everything and I need to own it. I need to love myself, flaws and all, and not focus so much on the negative, but allow myself to accept all the wonderful gifts I have been given (even if I don't know what they are).
Goodbye Susan bashing and hello really, really, really trying to accept myself for EXACTLY who I am.
This post really has no point other than to get all my feelings out and remind myself to be the person I want her to be.