The headaches coupled with general feeling of malaise and irritability just about sent me over the edge. I almost broke down crying today because I just felt that terrible. I talked to George and called my friend Tracey (both of them are doing the cleanse with me) and both of them encouraged me to keep with it. I COULD do it, they told me.
I heard their voices and felt their support, but I still turned to the trusted Facebook and let everyone know I was about to cave and break the no sugar, no dairy, no grains "cleanse". I got all sorts of responses from people saying I could do to it, to people saying they thought I was a little crazy for trying in the first place.
I stated that "everyone" says if I could make it through the misery, on the other side there would be bliss. One response to that statement really resonated with me and I swear it made me cry (ok maybe it's the lack of sugar but something made me tear up). My blog friend Jennifer C. said, That's what "everyone" says & "everyone" is different. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You are a BIG proponent of doing what is right for you, so do it!
And just like that, it dawned on me. What I was doing was not right for my body. Of that much I was absolutely sure. Maybe if I waited it out a little longer my body would have adjusted, but I read about some people still trying to adjust at 5 to 6 weeks. I don't think my family would have survived that long.
The truth is, I knew from the beginning this wasn't the thing for me. I've even written blog posts about it before. Restricting does NOT work for me. I'll be honest though, this time it was different. I wasn't craving foods that I wasn't allowed to eat. I wasn't pining away hoping to eat pizza or fries. I was simply feeling physically ill and my body was telling me I needed something different.
I feel like a failure and I feel like I let all of my readers down. I only lasted 3.5 days on what was supposed to be a 14 day cleanse. All I can say is, I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. I really tried, but I realized that being physically ill and irritable with my family was not a healthy side effect.
Didn't I say I wanted to do this in the first place because I wanted to be healthy? I still do want to be healthy, but I have to do it on MY TERMS. After 38 years, I DO know what works for me. Moderation. Moderation is the key to my success. While I still want to limit refined sugar and keep up a healthy consumption of fruits and vegetables, I can NOT ban all those things from life (and certainly not all at once).
So yes my friends I have failed and I'm totally ok with that. I learned a valuable lesson and that is to not go against my own body and doing what is right for me. The fact of the matter is (like Jennifer said) I'm not "everyone" and my body is different than yours and what may work for you may not work for me and vice versa. Obviously primal eating is not for me.
I am still inspired to take control of my eating and get rid of the bad habits I've fallen back into lately. I CAN lead a healthy non-primal lifestyle. Eating paleo is NOT the only way to be healthy and I know that. The sad part is that I already knew that, but I fell prey to reading too many success stories on blogs. I forgot that I am not them and they are not me. I forgot to listen to my own body and know what's right for ME.
Thank you so much, Jennifer for saying EXACTLY what I needed to hear EXACTLY when I needed to hear it. Funny thing is, it's really my own advice. Know what is right for YOUR body and just do it.
Thanks also to George for literally leading my by the hand into the
kitchen and making me peanut butter toast. I know you really love me!