Often times I'll see people who really are struggling with their weight and then I feel guilty for picking myself apart. I feel overwhelmed by my body "issues" and wonder where to start and how I'll get to my desired destination. I then realize what it most feel like to someone who is severely obese and I'm reminded to be thankful for what I have.
On the other hand, as I type this, I figure there are people who are reading who are saying, "you're really not that skinny." Or I'll see a picture of myself and literally have to turn away in disgust. Or I'm reminded of the time one of my friends said to me, "I just wish I could wear a bikini like you and not care." I know she didn't mean anything by it, but I knew that meant I didn't look good in my bikini, but she thought I wore it anyway because I just didn't care. She didn't mean to inadvertently tell me I didn't look good, but I heard her loud and clear.
So which side of the fence do I find myself today? Am I fat or am I skinny? The answer is.... I don't know any more. I don't even trust my own judgement. I was reminiscing with my friend today and we talked about a trip we took in 1999 (I believe) to Cancun. I thought I was HUGE. I remembering being embarrassed to walk around in my bathing suit and afraid everyone was staring at my imperfections. It wasn't just something I said, I really believed I was fat.
Now I'd KILL to have that body and I'm hard pressed to find a flaw. You see, everything is relative and I apparently I can't even trust myself to be the judge. So starting loving yourself just the way you are and don't judge yourself, because maybe you can't be trusted either.
|Megan, Myself and Jen (left to Right)|
|Tipping the scales. How did I let myself be seen in public.|