Please remember these are my feelings. Just MY emotions and nothing more than that. I'm definitely down on myself, so this isn't necessarily going to be an uplifting post, but who knows, maybe I'll get there by the end.
When 14.2 was announced on Thursday night, I was once again disappointed and relieved. I mean I knew going into the open that I would be out as soon as pull-ups came into play (I can't do an unassisted pull-up). So that was expected and I was ok with not being able to do them. I knew it going in and I could deal with that.
So here's the workout:
2 Rounds in 3 minutes of
10 OHS (Over Head Squats) 65 lbs
10 Chest to Bar Pull-ups
If any one set of 2 rounds was completed the athlete would get 3 more minutes to complete 2 more rounds but the number of reps went up by 2 each time. I know that's confusing and it really doesn't apply to me, so don't worry about that.
So this morning I went over to Tracey's to see if I could OHS 65 lbs. Turns out she didn't have the right weights at her garage, but I tried 55 lbs and was able to do it. But the really kick ass part is I was able to do TWO unassisted chest to bar pull ups with a reverse grip (any grip was allowed for the open).
I was so flipping happy. I can't even tell you. I figured I could somehow managed to get 10 OHS and move on and get maybe two chest to bar pull-ups. So I was shooting for a measly score of 12 and I honestly believed I could do it.
I told Tracey on the car ride over, I believed I could do the OHS and I meant it. I figured I'd be slow and maybe I wouldn't get 10 in 3 minutes, but I honestly thought I could make it through 10.
By the time I arrived at the box, my nerves were through the roof. I warmed up. I did 55 lbs OHS two times and I left it at that. I tried 65 and failed, but I didn't want to keep trying. I mean I only had a few in me, I didn't want to ruin it. Plus I hoped an prayed that adrenaline and "Open strength" would kick in and I would do it.
The WOD started and I no-repped my first OHS, but I knew I no-repped it. I knew I didn't get low enough. So I went down again and I did it. I thought to myself, "holy shit I just did that." My eyes actually welled up with tears because I believed in myself and I was doing it.
|All kinds of things wrong here… mainly I need to get my CHEST UP!!!|
Then, and here's where things get really blurry, I must have been no repped 6,7,8 times. I don't even know, but it was a lot. And every time my judge would say just a little lower. I really felt like I was getting low enough (below hip crease/past 90 degree), but obviously I wasn't. And let me just tell you, 3 minutes go by awfully fast. Wow!
When it was all said and done, I did manage a few reps, but it only amounted to three. Three really lousy points and that is the score I posted for 14.2
I'm not going to lie, I almost started to cry right there in the box. I was just so mad at myself. I was mad that I believed in myself and then let myself down. I don't care about the score or points per se. I am truly just disappointed that I believed in myself and then didn't do it. I suppose you could liken it to when your kids let you down with disappointing behavior or when you find out your teenager tried a cigarette. I just expected something out of myself and I didn't get it.
Just to keep it real people, I came home and in the privacy of my own living room-- I cried. I don't know why. It felt good I guess. The good thing is, I'm over it now. I could do better I'm sure, but I'm not going to do 14.2 over again. Mainly because I don't have the time this weekend with a hockey tournament and an 18 mile long run.
If there's one thing you noticed it my pictures (besides bad form) it might be that little nugget watching his mama. It's no accident that he's sitting RIGHT IN FRONT of me. I put him there. I put him there to remind myself of why I work so hard at everything I do in life.
Even if they're not literally right in front of me, my children are always watching and learning from me. I really did try my hardest today. I believed in myself too and even though I ultimately let myself down, I'm pretty sure I didn't let down my little boy, and who could be mad about that?