It's 4:55 am but the clock reads 5:02 (you have to play mind games... whatever works). I slap at the clock trying to make the noise stop before it wakes me up too fully or wakes up the husband. Who am I kidding? He didn't even flinch. His mind isn't in tune to hear anything this early in the morning. He doesn't stir and right now I hate him. Hate him for blissfully sleeping as the debate in my head begins.
Should I get up? Should I roll over and not give it another thought? Ok I'll lie here and if I fall back to sleep, well then no harm no foul. No, I should just get up. No, I should just sleep. I deserve to sleep. Who gets up at 5:02 (ok 4:55) to workout? Why am I doing this? If I can find someone to take the kids, if I beg George to work from home, or if I rearrange EVERYTHING in my day I can go later. Yes, go later, go back to sleep. It's now 5:03 (or 4:56 whichever way you look at it). I'm lying in bed guilt ridden and I've been awake for 60 seconds.
Plenty of times, however, I roll over, giving myself permission to fall back to sleep. I can normally go back to sleep if I don't have any really coherent thoughts during the "wrestling with myself" phase of the do I get up or not. You know what happens then right? I get up at 7:30 after having tossed and turned since my "old lady" internal alarm clock went off at 6:45 and I'm filled with regret.
I feel sadness and disappointment, and I've missed my opportunity to be awesome so early in the morning. That is a great way to start the day <--- sarcasm. Hey husband, hey kids, now don't talk to me until I've drowned my regret with TWO cups of heavily caffeinated joe. Come to think of it, don't talk to me at all because now the whole day is ruined. Remember I said, I'd ask George to stay home? Well yeah, he has a call he has to be on in the office. Remember how I thought so and so could take my kids? Well, she couldn't. Remember how I'd rearrange my whole day to get my workout in? Yeah well, unless I'm skipping a shower before heading into a meeting with the principal then I've really missed my opportunity for the day and I'm filled with regret.
Never once have I gone to a 5:30 am CrossFit session or never once have I met my girlfriends for an early morning run and regretted it. NOT ONCE! Yet every time I roll over go back to sleep I am filled with remorse for the entire day. So isn't it a no brainer? Isn't it time to stop slapping at the alarm clock? Isn't it time to get up and start the day? Isn't it time to live a life free from regret?