You might be surprised by the title of this post. Like what in the heck is she doing? Truth is I'm surprised too. I NEVER ever intended to do the Open this year at all. I'll admit I was sad about it. My friends were signing up and went to the intramural sign up party. I felt sad that I wasn't a part of it, but I accepted it being what it was. After all, I had just come back to CrossFit and had 2 WODs under my belt in 6 months. Enter my friend Tracey Weaver. This is how it went down:
So I thought about it for 2 or 3 days and I wound up signing up. The Open has always been about doing it for ME and no one else. This year would/could be no different. I would do the scaled workouts and if I couldn't do something, I wouldn't worry about it. I felt a LOT less pressure going in.
Then the WOD was announced:
Complete as many rounds and reps as possible in 20 minutes of:
25-ft. front rack walking lunge
25-ft. front rack walking lunge
8 jumping chin-over-bar pull-ups
And so the nerves and the stress began. Still I didn't feel as much pressure going into the workout, but I also had the feeling of being unprepared. Essentially no CrossFit for six months coupled with having bronchitis for over a month, I knew this wasn't going to be pretty.
I went all there though and I gave it my all. The first few walking lunges felt uncomfortable for sure. Think about not doing something for six months and then just trying to do it. It takes awhile before things just come back. So I felt wobbly and the weight felt heavy, but I go through it.
The burpees are an "easy" movement for me, but my lungs really got burning.
By the time I lunged again and got up on the box for jumping pull ups I was breathing heavy. I was able to do ALL my jumping pull ups unbroken. And by all I mean every round. That made me happy.
But my breathing was labored and I mean bad. I felt a burning in my chest so bad and literally just felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to take several breaks, hands on my knees just to recover. I felt embarrassed for having to break, but it was that or puke and I wasn't going to puke.
The whole workout was basically just round after round of what I just described coupled with me looking at the clock praying the 20 minutes would just end.
Tracey Weaver was there cheering everyone on. She yelled at me that I had 90 seconds left and to bust out the burpees. I dropped and did 8 burpees as fast as I could at the time. When I finished at them Jess was yelling at me to go, go, go to get in as many lunges as I could. I looked at her and said, "Jess I can't." I meant it. I couldn't but she said I could and so I went and immediately dropped the bar. My legs were so wobbly. I had nothing left. I picked up the bar one more time and made one more lunge. I'm not sure any of those last 2 lunges I did even counted, but I know I had given it my all.
I scored 170 reps. Yeah it's not a lot. Yeah it would have been a lot more had the last 6 months hadn't happened. Yeah I'm not happy about it. Yeah I've over analyzed and even hated myself over it. I'm a competitor. I want to be the best I can be. Maybe my body wasn't quite ready for the open, but I'm doing it. I'm trying to be proud of that.
After I was finished Ella came up to me and told me how proud she was of me. She told me all that matters is that I had tried my hardest and she could tell I had. That meant a lot to me. My daughter DOES hear what I say. Maybe I should follow my own advice.
As if the workout didn't kick my ass enough, I was really down after seeing the pictures from the WOD. I felt huge and out of shape. (This is really a feel good post isn't it.) I was complaining to Kim about how I hated what I saw and this is what she said, "Susan. I was there. I watched you workout. I never saw anything but a beautiful strong woman who was very determined to do her very best." That resonated with me so much. Maybe I'm not what I think I am in my mind. Maybe people don't see what I see. Maybe I can finally just be ok with today's personal best.