Ugh whose idea was it to sign up for the Open anyway? 16.2 is in the books and it was... well you be the judge.
The workout was:
25 Toes to Bar
50 Double Unders
15 squat cleans in 4 minutes (Increasing weight and decreasing rep squat cleans in each round)
Move on to next round if round 1 complete in 4 minutes
It's more complicated than that, but those that know CrossFit probably already know and those that don't, that's all you need to know.
So I thought about doing the workout Rx, because I figure I could do the Toes to Bar and the double unders and then see if I even make it to the squat cleans.
Well I went to the box on Friday night and learned in my six month hiatus, I lost my toes to bar. You don't use it, you lose it folks. Ok so Rx is out.
25 knee raises
50 single under
15 55 lb squat cleans
So I started trying to do single unders and knee raises, neither of which I'm accustomed to doing. Well I found out I couldn't hang from the bar. My shoulder just wouldn't let me hang there for any length of time. Practicing Toes2Bar felt better than just hanging there on my shoulder. I even showed the coaches me hanging from the bar and they unanimously said, "yeah no, you can't do that, it doesn't look right." Now knee raises are out.
So Tammy (my box owner) told me to modify further and do sit ups. Scale the scaled. I felt so defeated. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to have to scale the scaled. I was mad and feeling all kinds of emotions and then mad at myself for feeling mad and feeling emotions. I'm so complicated. Nonetheless this is what I had to do.
So time started and I banged out the sit ups and the single unders (I'm slow at those... it just doesn't feel natural anymore) and then hit the 55 lb squat cleans. It felt good. I was on to the next round.
Again, I banged out the sit ups and the single unders and then my squat clean weight increased to 75 pounds. I've never been strong. I don't have a one rep max squat clean in my history, but my one rep max clean is 110 pounds and my one rep max front squat is 125. I should be able to squat 75 pounds relatively easily. Um no. It might as well have been a Mack Truck. It wasn't the clean portion it was the squat. My form was terrible. I could feel myself leaning forward (chest not up), I wasn't in my heels, elbows collapsed, knees not going out. It was terrible and every one felt awful. I squeaked out 6 before I hit the 8 minute mark and my time was up.
171 total reps.
I'm most mad at myself for being mad at myself. I've now been to 3 WODs and 2 Open WODs in 6 months. I hadn't squatted anything until the Thursday prior to this WOD. If you don't squat for 6 months then guess what? You're going to lose some of your strength. Novel concept no? But my brain just doesn't agree with my body. My brain tells me I can do it, but my body won't let me. It makes me feel so defeated and in this case I felt so embarrassed. I'm just being honest.
I've been telling myself all weekend that things will come back. I just need to put in the work. I might not be where I was, or where I want to be, but I'm in the box and that's more than I imagined for myself a few months ago.
I have to accept the fact that I have a new normal. I may never do some things again and that will have to be ok. I need to remind myself of this every day.
One thing I can say is how happy I am to be there with my friends and watching each of them accomplish amazing things each week. A huge congrats to Kim, Meghan and Tracey on amazing WODs for each of them. I proud of each of you!